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very sad and broken over love

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  • #103353
    dom
    Participant

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend and have not stopped crying since. The thing is we both still love each other very much. I broke up with him out of nowhere because I thought I needed to get my shit together on my own. I don’t know why I thought that because he was the most sweet, supportive and caring person. He could have helped me so much but I pushed him away. I am feeling very bad about myself and I keep telling myself I’m the worst person. I feel guilty about hurting such a genuine and loving person. It was completely irrational of me. He was the only person in my life who I could be myself around, who I could talk to, who I had a close relationship with, who listened to me, who helped me. He said he needs his space if we are going to be friends because he still loves me and being around me is going to be hard. Not talking to him is painful. We used to be together all the time and talk all the time to now nothing. I have completely stopped taking care of myself. I barely eat and my sleeping schedule is terrible. I don’t believe anybody will ever love me as much as he did. He treated me like a complete angel and was the most perfect loving and supportive person I have ever met. The best time of my life was when I was with him. Since I broke up with him I have somehow managed to get back to where I started years ago when I had very bad depression. I made a lot of progress with him by my side helping me and now that he is gone I feel worse than before. I’m sorry this is more of me venting than really asking anything but it would really help to hear some kind words right now. Any advice with breakups is greatly appreciated.

    #103357
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi dom,

    Is it possible that subconsciously you sabotaged yourself because life with your BF was “too good”?

    I don’t know, I would contact him and apologize PROFUSELY. Say that instead of getting your crap together this breakup has done the opposite, actually. That you made a terrible mistake. Tell him you totally understand if he still wants to keep his distance. (It is possible you will get back together at this point, but DON’T be surprised if he keeps his distance.)

    Then maybe (I would give it time) next year invite him to a party or for coffee. Start over as actual friends.

    Then who knows?

    Best,

    Inky

    #103367
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear dom:

    You wrote about your ex boyfriend: “He was the only person in my life who I could be myself around, who I could talk to, who I had a close relationship with, who listened to me, who helped me.”

    Maybe, as you were invited (by him) to be yourself, you felt the anxiety that is in being yourself. With people who you have a superficial relationship with, you are not confronted with your fears much as the interactions are on the surface of things. In a deeper relationship, the anxieties from deeper inside come to the surface and you feel a combination of comfort and intensified anxiety. So you ended the relationship to do away with the anxiety and now you miss the comforting times.

    Am I correct in part or in whole?

    anita

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