Let’s call this particular person Bill…

Bill and I were students together on a work placement a few years back – in retrospect, I can see that the dynamic in our friendship – no, sorry, acquaintanceship/frenemyship (is that even a word?) was seriously unbalanced. This is a person who casually made fun of me and made ignorant assumptions about me (he happens to be conservative and because I dress alternative and listen to alternative music, apparently that makes me a satanist and an anarchist – yes I am not conservative like he is but I wasn’t happy about the fact he labelled me as being those things) and made fun about the fact I prefer spending time alone than with others. In general he just used to talk down to me or just make really patronizing remarks, and the first week we were on the placement he had belittled me in front of the group, which I wasn’t happy about. There are times when I felt I wasn’t able to get a word in at all.

However, I guess it wasn’t all that bad, he did have his moments. There were times when I just glared at him for more of his stupid jokes (he’s one of those people who thinks they are god’s gift to the world of comedy but they really aren’t) and he would get annoyed that I didn’t find his idiotic sense of humor amusing. However, he did seem to find my sarcastic jokes and comments hilarious at times (I just have that effect on people). Some times he could be okay. I think we just weren’t meant to be friends because we rub each other the wrong way. It’s having these glimpses at Bill’s good points that make me wonder if I’m just magnifying all of his bad points, or if he is really just one of those people I can only tolerate in small doses (or none at all). Sadly, I think the cons far outweigh the pros.

I always felt suffocated and drained around this group of people on the placement because they complained about everything and they all came across as being really self-entitled, as if they deserved to have their own way. This group of people were really judgmental and gossipy, and they used to slag other people off (so there is also a high possibility they used to gossip about me too, especially when Bill used to tell everybody my business.)

A few years have passed but this group of people feel the need to have little get-togethers every so often and the thought of meeting up with these people again made my stomach churn so I’d make excuses (but because they are oh so kind, they would offer to reschedule just to accommodate me – part of me just wanted to scream “DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE A HINT?!?” I wasn’t able to meet up with them even if I wanted to because I wasn’t earning a lot. Bill did offer to borrow me money, to which I refused. What, so the group can have a field day knowing I had to borrow money to meet up with them? I might not earn as much as they but I’ve still got my pride, you know…

In these subsequent few years, Bill turned every phone call and WhatsApp message into an interrogation – “Have you got a job yet? How much money do you earn? When are you going to get married and have children?” There hasn’t been a lot of success of that front since I graduated and I am working towards my goals but I always felt that he was disapproving of the fact I wasn’t working in a corporate level job like he is. I would also like to add that it is NOT OKAY to ask a person how much money they earn. EVER.

Last summer I thought I was going to be doing a placement in China – even though I pulled out at the last minute because of doubts, I was building up my confidence for this for a few months. Bill had been on the China placement the previous year. When he found out I was going he spent an entire 45 minutes on the phone to me putting me down about everything, telling me I’m a sloppy person, that the students wouldn’t like me and bringing up the fact I was miserable on the placement we were on together (everybody assumed it was homesickness but I wasn’t homesick, I was miserable because I had to spend time with those horrible people) and spoonfeeding me things I already knew as if I’m some kind of idiot. When he first applied for this placement he was acting all pompous and self-entitled, assuming he was going to be accepted onto it and making snobby remarks about the other people applying for the placement, saying things like “Oh, he’s trying too hard…”

I’m just angry about the fact I let this person put me down this way – I’m angry that I tried to explain but he wouldn’t let me, he would just talk at me. I’ve been angry for the past few months and I can’t stop chewing on this bone (I’m not going to suddenly stop being resentful towards certain people, I’m the silently vindictive type!)

I did get in contact with him last month because he happens to work in London, and even though I don’t particularly like this person I still needed to know he was okay after what happened at Westminster, because he is the only person I know who lives and works down in London. He was okay.

But I feel that getting in touch with him has triggered him to want to have a get-together with the group from the placement, because another person from the group has tried to get in touch with me. I really have no desire to meet up with these people again, I use a different phone now and I haven’t given them my new mobile number.

But part of me wants to get in touch with Bill just to call him out on how he has treated me over the years. I am angry at myself for allowing him to have this hold over me and I am angry that this person put me down and at how arrogant, hypocritical and spoiled he behaves. Even though we live in different cities I still have this burning resentment towards him. Part of me wants to just confront him about this – not verbally abusive but brutally honest. I don’t suffer fools anymore, believe me (ask the two previous people who thought it was okay to belittle me, I soon put them in their place).

I don’t feel compelled to continue the friendship but I need him to know how he has treated me is not okay. Even though the likelihood of this happening is pretty slim because like most egotistical people he would just deny everything, twist it all back on me and bombard me with more of his rhetoric (every time I did disagree with him, it would always begin with “Come on, Joe…”, or just flat out refuse to listen because I get the feeling Bill only hears what he wants to hear. I’m trying to work towards my goals and attain my own personal success, not HIS level of success. He DOESN’T get to tell me what I should work towards.

Would this be another exercise in futility or should I just accept the fact he’s a pushy, selfish, self-righteous, self-entitled ignorant brat who won’t listen, cut off all contact for good and wait until the bitterness subsides (until I find more people to be bitter towards? Haha) Even if I do meet up with this person to call him out, I have no intention of continuing the acquaintanceship because it would just perpetuate. Is it just that I feel the need to have the last word and end it myself?

Joe

• This topic was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Joe.