fbpx
Menu

Was broken up with and given no explanation – unable to have closure.

Home→Forums→Relationships→Was broken up with and given no explanation – unable to have closure.

New Reply
Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #94162
    Allison
    Participant

    In September I met a guy who attends the same college that I do and we immediately were attracted to each other. More-so on his part than mine, but I knew I had a little bit of interest. Fast forward one month, he was putting great effort into dates and telling our mutual friends that he was very excited about me and a possible relationship. After about two months of dating, he officially asked me to be his girlfriend and we were extremely happy for the rest of the semester.

    Over Christmas break I went home to see my family and he did the same. We saw each other twice over the time period and spent valuable one-on-one time together (which was a rarity back at the university). We had dinner with his parents and we spent the night together – everything was seemingly perfect and progressing to a more serious level.

    When we got back to school two weeks ago, he started to become a little distant. After not seeing each other for a week, he didn’t show a lot of interest in getting together and went the week without seeing me whilst making excuses that I knew weren’t valid (And would spend free time with other mutual friends without inviting me). Naturally, I was off-put by this and explained to him over text that I didn’t feel like he was trying at all and asked to talk to him on what was “tomorrow night”. We went 24 hours without talking, and when we had time I went to his house and was prepared to talk things out.

    Right away, he started the cliche breakup talk explaining that we were “on different pages” and that I’m a “nice girl” but he just wasn’t feeling it. With no real reasons, the conversation took about two minutes and I left in shock. What seemed to be so perfect a couple days ago was suddenly ripped away from me and I had no idea why. Since then, I have tried to say hello to him if I see him around town and he continues to walk by as if he doesn’t see me and makes obvious efforts to avoid me.

    I am left feeling very confused, insecure, and hurt as I have no explanation and don’t think he has any interest in giving me one. Our mutual friends make it difficult for me to keep him off of my mind, and he seems to be living happily as if I never existed. Where do I go from here? How do I make my own closure and move on? Thank you, and any similar experiences I would love to hear about!

    #94164
    Anonymous
    Participant

    Hi Allison!
    I’m sorry to hear about this experience you’re having. It’s really hard not getting closure from someone who you thought felt the same way about you as you did with them. I have had a similar experience, and it was extremely hard to get over.
    But I think once you start thinking about yourself, and shift the focus from this guy over to YOU and what you can do to feel better and peace with YOURSELF, than things really start to change.
    I started doing a lot of yoga and getting deeper into the practice. It really helped calm me and created a spiritual connection with myself, that was lacking due to all of my energy going straight to the failed relationship and lack of closure.
    I also spent time with my family more, and just planned for my own future and became excited about all the opportunities yet to come.
    You seems young, you said you were in college right? My best advice is to focus on school and yourself and your health. Try not to give this guy too much of your energy, let him have his space and the only thing you can do is focus on you.

    And if you really need to express your feelings of confusion and frustration with him, than do it. You deserve to have closure, and if he isn’t going to give that to you, than he isn’t a very respectable, loving man. He just isn’t worth it. Communicate your feelings, and if he doesn’t communicate in return, than move on and do the things I mentioned above 🙂 You will be fine!

    P.S. Writing in a journal REALLY helps!

    #94165
    Allison
    Participant

    This reply helps more than you know.
    I have definitely been putting way too much energy into thinking about him and his thoughts instead of focusing on myself. I will definitely take these steps and keep all of this in mind.
    Thank you for your thoughts. 🙂

    #94209
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Allison:

    I hope you are still feeling better, judging by the smiley face in your yesterday post.

    If he is not talking and chooses to not talk, to not share the why- then there is no way for you to know, no information to evaluate for truth that there may be there. You can only guess and then, from personal experience, you are more likely to guess wrong, not a good pursuit. So I agree with the advice given and taken by you, to focus on yourself and your life moving forward.

    And one thing, just came to my mind, that you can possibly learn from this: did you notice lack of communication from him earlier? If yes, or no- it is probably a good idea to pay attention with the next guy to the following:

    Does he (the next guy) becomes withdrawn and uncommunicative following a problem, shutting down? Following a small problem..? This is a good indication to how he will deal with a bigger problem. Then you can adjust your expectations and choose how close or not you want to get to a guy who will disenge when there is a problem instead of confronting and dealing with the problem.

    anita

    #95615
    Peverly
    Participant

    Dear Allison,
    I recently had a very similar situation to yours.
    After mine abruptly ended, he did not pay any focus to me at all. I felt like I never existed. I felt every single feeling that you described in your post. I spent weeks after dwelling over all the unanswered questions. However, at that point of time I did not see that I was not going to receive those answers while being a total crying mess.
    One day, I got really fed up of constantly wondering and crying. I told myself that this is unfair, but in reality I was being unfair to myself. I was stopping my life and my happiness for a person who clearly does not want to communicate. I have learned that at this time, they are dealing with just as much that we cannot see. The more they push us away, the more energy they are putting into us. It is not our job to fix or understand them when they are not ready. However, what we can do is continue to live life. Remind ourselves how grateful we are. Surround yourself with friends and laughter. Be the most amazing version of yourself.
    I hope your doing well 🙂

    #95637
    dreaming715
    Participant

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m dealing with a lot of heartbreak as well and have found a few things that have seemed to help me personally.
    1) Unfollow/delete them off of all social media sites.
    2) Delete their number from your phone.
    3) Move or get rid of things that will be a strong reminder of them.
    4) Google “acceptance and commitment therapy.”
    5) Read fiction as an escape.
    6) This has been the most difficult, but most rewarding thing for me personally: Do new things by yourself. I feel uncomfortable being alone so I’ve made small steps to do things outside of my comfort zone that I wouldn’t normally do. This helps me learn to be less co-dependent. I go shopping alone, treat myself to good food, coffee, or tea alone, explore new hobbies alone, etc… Also, if you aren’t ready to do these things alone, try them with a good friend.

    #95875
    Lonely88
    Participant

    Hey @Allison sorry that your dealing with this awful feeling and situation it’s tough when you think u know someone but end of the day they react diffrent when things don’t work out as planned or wished for. I myself is going thru something similar my ex girlfriend ended a 6yr relationship n refused to work things out n just threw all the hard effort we put into each other to waste and till this point I still have questions unanswered and to be honest maybe I will never know the answer to my questions or the truth. Even when the breakup was recent I would try to get her to talk to me about our situation or breakup but it would only get her agitated and fustrated that it would jus make her end the conversation every time and know when I do rarely see her around or driving by she will not say anything unless I say something first as (greet) she always has excuses and it just kills me inside how she acts as if their was never us to begin with I just don’t see how she does it as if nothing ever happen.while on the other hand im all sad n depressed ..

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.