Dear David:

It is termed the “repetition compulsion”- you want to find love in a situation that is a repetition of that in which you grew up. Your compulsion, almost irresistible urge, is to be loved by a woman like your mother/ father who doesn’t love you. Insane, isn’t it?

It is a shame if you lose a woman who does love you. Perhaps you can attend good, short term psychotherapy, at the least, so that you to accept and process that pain of having been unloved growing up and so that you will be available for love that is attainable and no longer pursue love where it is not.

Your ex girlfriend as depressed as she may be, as much as you would like to… fix her (?) so that she will love you (repetition compulsion) that is very unlikely going to work for the same reason you couldn’t fix a parent so that he or she would love you. It just can’t be done, impossible.

Fixing yourself is going to be hard enough, but at least it is possible.

No matter how strong your pull toward your on and off again ex, like a moth to fire, resist and turn toward love.

anita