Dear xenopustex:

When the woman you talked to lit up and smiled just looking at you, that felt good, I am sure, felt good to you and that is what should happen in a loving relationship- someone smiling at you, someone happy to see you.

And that is different from what you got from your abusive grandfather and it is different from what you are getting from your mother presently, with her negative commentary.

I am thinking you avoided closer relationships because what you associated with it was that Frown you got from the people in your young life. If you associated a Smile with them, why you would gravitate toward more smiles.

So Attribute # 1 in a woman is that smile factor. She must be happy just looking at you; she must be happy that you exist and that you are in her life. She must feel fortunate to have you in her life.

Life is gloomy and dreadful when no one is happy you are alive. There must be someone, outside of yourself, saying to you in one way or another: Glad you see you are here!

anita