hi anita,

i have been very timid as a child. and i alwaya have a fear of interacting with people in general, like my heart pumped so fast when i needed to talk to any adult that i am not familiar with. sometime my uncle whom i didnt really liked hugged me hard,i guessed as a child u didnt or couldnt really resist or refuse. but i remember how much i hated ppl crossing my boundary, and how much i resented that my parents did nothing to save me from this .
my parents have problems setting boundaries as well, my mother is overly caring and didnt really guide me to see what is right or wrong, she did respond to my sadness and emotions, but i didnt recall her telling me whats right and whats wrong. my dad on the other hand was very strict and i would even called him obsessed over tiny details. for example he would say the table that we had dinner on was very oily while it was perfectly fine in my eyes, he hated it when i as a child dropped a spoon of soup on the floor, i remembered he as a very harsh person, he did hit my brother when he was young, and i remebered if i refused to go out to breakfast with him on weekends, he made a fuss and would bang the door.
i think the betrayal came as well from one time when i was showering, my mom still thought i was child and wouldnt mind, and went into the bathroom while i was taking a shower, i recalled i saw my uncle out there who saw me. i felt offended , i was indeed a child but was about to go into a teen. and i knew something was wrong, yet i didnt know how to voice out, how to ask for an apology, how to stand up for something, and was so timid to confront.
i recalled growing up in these conflicting parenting styles,and i remebered how my privacy was violated by the parents whom should protect them instead.
i dunno how they are related and i dunno how it can help me with my current situation, but one thing hit me when i recalled this, the obsession and the anger that channeled out on my ex, was so uncontrollable that reminded me of how my father reacted at that time.

thanks anita , the message this time is long

chau