Hi Spiritwalker,

First off, let me put to rest the whole “first responders can’t be good parents” myth. My mother was a nurse, and while statistically she wasn’t in as much peril day in and day out as say a police officer or a firefighter, there were times when some nutjob would come into the hospital and get violent. Plus when she rose to the level of head nurse she was often on call and working late nights. Did I ever feel abandoned or unloved? No! When she was with me she was completely engaged and made sure to reassure me that she thought of me all the time when she was at work. If she couldn’t make a performance of a play I was in, she’d call during her break to wish me luck, and then watch the videotape of it with me later. Plus, just because you choose a “safe” career it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be 100% there for your child. An accountant can drop dead of a heart attack for example. A teacher may get so burned out by the kids they have to deal with during the day that they have no energy left in the tank for their own daughter/son. So I’m of the mind that you do what is best for you – it will not only feed your soul but also set a great example for your little one.

Now, with regard to your sister. I bet if we were to inject her with truth serum she’d say the real reason she was so against you becoming a firefighter wasn’t out of concern for your well being, but because she was jealous or felt threatened on some level. She probably yearned to do something that served the community and was heroic herself, but at the time was too scared to just not ready to take such a leap. It’s a common coping mechanism to knock someone else down to our level when we feel bad. That being said, this is just my guess…you will never know for sure the reasons behind her actions (heck, she might not be able to articulate them herself!), but whatever her feeling were she should’ve been more supportive or at the very least kept her feelings to herself.

So if you are still firm in your decision to not be a firefighter as well, the only way to cope with your jealousy (and this may seem counter-intuitive), is to actually be supportive of your sister! Let me explain…my sister for years said she never wanted to be a mother, and I always wanted to be. (I’m sure you see where this is going…) Guess who’s married and has a beautiful baby boy? Yup, my sister. Guess who’s single and childless? Yup – me. Like you I was envious, angry at the universe/fate for its cruel sense of humor, but when I saw my nephew and how happy my sister was that all evaporated. I took the energy I would’ve used to stay in a place of self pity and jealousy, and channeled it into being an awesome aunt. Firefighters usually have fundraisers throughout the year, go volunteer at one of those functions, or offer to help out at your sister’s station. If it’s too tough to be around your sister, work with a separate firefighter charity (Dennis Leary’s organization comes to mind).

You may never be OK with how your sister didn’t support you…and that’s OK. Just try to repeat the mantra of, “that’s her deal” and move on. Focus on you.

Again, I hope you reconsider your decision about not following your dream. Firefighting is a physically demanding job, so it’s easier to get into it earlier rather than later. However, I respect your plan, and know there’s other avenues (like what I mentioned above) to be involved.

Much luck and many blessings to you!