Dear dreaming715:

A comment: you wrote that you and M are not technically girlfriend/ boyfriend, not technically in a relationship and yet he gave you a toothbrush to keep at his place. I am thinking, maybe it is wiser to not be physically intimate with him before you are technically in a relationship. What do you think?

To the conversation you had with M, it shouldn’t be via texting. It is too serious and therefore should be at the least done when the two of you are relaxed, available to converse, not texting.

Here are the quoted. My comments are in parentheses:

“I was just wondering what you were currently looking for or where you were at with us? No judgement, no right or wrong answer, just wanted your thoughts.” (There should be judgment on your part, as in judging, according to his answer, whether this relationship- and it is a relationship as the two of you are … relating- is working for you or not, whether you want to be in it or not. You want his honest answers, but there are such a thing as right and wrong answers. If he answers that he is looking for fun with you and nothing else, well, that would be the wrong answer. You texting him that there is “no judgment” etc. is letting him know that you are out of the equation of this relationship, a neutral party to it).

He said, “I’m looking for someone to have a relationship with. I’m enjoying the time we’re having and taking things one step at a time. Why do you ask?”

I said, “That’s fair, I noticed we bot still have dating profiles. We hadn’t talked much about where we were with seeing other people.”(This should be discussed face to face. I suppose this is your answer to “Why do you ask? You were bothered by the profiles still being on).

He said, “I’m not looking or talking to anyone else. I’m not a fan of dating multiple people at the same time. I’ll take it down, that’s not an issue at all.” (So he figures this is the problem and is proposing a solution: he will take down his profile).

Summary of my thoughts: Maybe the pattern we mentioned in other threads is that you take yourself out of the equation of the relationship, as if you are a neutral party to it, not one to choose or judge. It is all up to him- he makes the rules, you neutrally wait for him. What do you think?

anita