Dear Isra:

I am impressed by your good thinking, impressed to read it at any age and at soon to be 18.

One mistake in your current thinking that I believe you should examine before talking to him:

You seem to think that you need his agreement that the relationship is not a good idea. As if your thinking is not competent enough to evaluate what is the right thing to do. Getting input from him is a very good idea, listening to what he says and evaluating it. But to need his agreement is the mistake.

I wrote that I am impressed by your thinking at any age; this is because it is uncommon, at any age. This means your boyfriend’s thinking is not likely to be as good as yours. If you try to get his agreement, the talks with him are likely to become arguments, debates, trying to convince. Not a good idea.

Can you imagine if to move forward in your life you will have to first get all involved parties to agree with you first; if you wait for the involved parties’ permission to do what you think is right for you?

You will live in a constant standstill!

Evaluate what he says; don’t expect or wait for his approval. He doesn’t know better than you do.

He wants kids and you don’t. Then you think: maybe I should stay with him because he may change his mind. If you live with this expectation then you will not be able to make active choices in your life- you will be waiting and waiting just in case people will change their minds, their attitudes….

Best for you to take an active part in your life- this is your best chance of having a good life, in relationships and in any other area. There are no guarantees of success, but this is your BEST chance for success. Use this as an opportunity.

Please post again anytime. I am curious to know about the conversation you will be having with him and will be glad to reply if you share about it. When you talk to him, do listen to what he says, just listen and nothing else. Then share here, if you will.

anita