Dear Natalija:

I believe that you expressed your most difficult challenge very well in your last line: “I see it was easier to me to live a life just trying to fit in in other peoples picture of who I am, than figuring out what I want or need”

You got used to operating this way: fitting in other people’s plans for you, expectations of you, whatever those may be. Being passive, in the passenger seat of a car. It is as if saying to the driver: I will be a good passenger and I hope you lead me to a good place.

You got used to this method of operating. Taking the driver’s seat- why, you make make a mistake.

The thing is the drivers in your life did not lead you to where you need to get. The thing is, you have a way better chance to get where you need to get if you take the driver’s seat and drive. It is your vehicle- your body. Drive it!

I can very much relate to giving … just anyone the driver’s seat of my car, figuratively speaking. What a waste of time and life it has been for me. It seems like it is so for you as well.

Other people- the people we trusted to get us someplace good in life- they are either clueless about driving, bad drivers or if they are good drivers, they don’t care to take US to a good place for US in our lives.

This “codependency”- the title of your thread is about letting someone else choose for you while you suffer the consequences of his choice. Better let him (your boyfriend, for one) choose for himself while you choose for yourself.

Your thoughts/ feelings…?

anita