CMI,

Thank you so much for your reply. I have done ALOT of research. I actually think he has sociopathic tendencies and a bit of NPD as you mentioned. He is EXTREMELY charming and a giver (money but not time) and a provider. He was extremely sexual but not necessary in an intimate way (he refused to French kiss?) but would make eye contact during “relations”. I have done so much research I think I am done with that part. I KNOW it was him and not me (although he did try to blame a lot on me and make me think things were my fault (I was too clingy/needy etc). At this point I am trying to move on and make MYSELF better so that I would never allow anyone to treat me this way again. I just HATE the fact that I still care deeply for someone who hurt me so bad. I want to forget all about it but EVERYTHING reminds me of him. I still secretly wish he would change and we could be together and live happily ever after. I have BEGGED GOD to either remove him form my mind (LOL..I know) or completely change him and bring him back to me (I Know). It’s almost like I have Stockholm syndrome I LOVE and identify with my torturer. Can you give me any advice on my need for closure and if I should attempt it? A voicemail, a letter? I don’t feel I need a reply from him but I just need to tell him how all of this has made me feel. Again, I don’t even know if he would care but I just want him to know. Ugh….

Butterfly