Dear ginabelle1104:

From what I understand, J’s behavior was despicable: sharing your personal information/ gossiping instead of directly approaching you with any problems J was having with you. J pretended to be supportive of you, encouraging you to communicate with J any time you need to and then complaining about (J’s own offer) to R. If my understanding is correct, then I would have no contact with J anymore.

The way you described R, gossiping about other people, doesn’t seem like R is a good friend material either. When he gossips about others (complaining to you about others, instead of addressing the others personally) then you know it is only time before you end up in his complaining to others (maybe even … the same others he has complained to you about!)

Choose your friends wisely. I think this is a good reminder, your thread, for every one of us, to address a person directly with any problem we have with that person instead of complaining about it to a third party.

I think talking about problems I had with person X, talking about those problems with person Y is okay only if I no longer am in a relationship of any kind with person X and if person Y is also not in a relationship with person X.

anita