I am brand new here, too, and have a LOT to learn so please only take my words with a grain of salt, but I very much related to your story. I had a man in my life who for the life of me I STILL can’t understand why I was so drawn to. Intellectually I knew he was bad for me but I couldn’t stay away. This went on (like yours) for 10 years and I finally found the strength to break away and stay away. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about him constantly and still cry over him often for a very long time. If I could go back a few years and give myself some advice it would be to just “Accept” that I am always going to feel love for the man and that I may always miss him, but that that’s OK, as long as I didn’t act on those feelings. Those feelings may never go away but they do fade and life will go on.

Again, I’m brand new here, loving this forum, and hoping you find some comfort in knowing I can totally understand your situation.
Sue