my pleasure crazyangle!

Let’s face it. Trust isn’t something that comes naturally. It needs a reason. It comes not just after an action but a series of actions; meaning to gain someone’s trust you need continuity and consistency in those honest acts that you do and there should be little or no blemishes on your side to dampen the trust you’ve built.

But what could have caused her distrust/insecurities?

It can be of a past experience with you which built a major distaste in her mind. Distrust can root from a deeper psychological trauma like fear of loss, of abandonment or fear of being betrayed. Before you decide to jump out of an otherwise perfect relationship, consider helping her get over her insecurity. Maybe you’re doing something to make her insecure, and you just don’t realize it. Maybe something happened in her past that makes her distrust men. If you can understand why she’s insecure, then you can be more patient and help her get over her worries. Early experiences greatly impact our beliefs. For example, abusive parents, abusive spouses/partners, neglect, or abandonment can foster beliefs that influence one’s self-esteem throughout life. It may arise from ambivalent or critical parenting, or as a result of later life experiences. It can even result from their physical appearance or their social surroundings. If you cheat once, then she will always doubt you. If you’re constantly texting that one friend of yours, then she will doubt you. If you’re a chronic fibber, she won’t believe you. If you don’t want her to become paranoid, then don’t open Pandora’s box. Don’t give her a reason. The thing here is to encourage communication. Describe her behavior and what it means to you. Try something like, “I feel that you become upset when I message my female friends, is it because you dislike my friends, or because you don’t trust me? Or is it something else?

Another thing that might have hyped her insecurities is the comparison between her and your perfect past relationship. well maybe, just maybe. I suggest to acknowledge her strengths. Fill her in on what she’s good at. Take the time to admire her and let her see that admiration.You’ll be surprised at the lift it can give her.

The snooping thing

Some women will utterly desecrate a man’s privacy just to assure themselves he isn’t cheating. These suspicious women often feel justified in their snooping. Obviously, this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable unless there is a strong reason to do so. In some cases like ‘if your gut is telling you that something is wrong and you’ve had that moment where you talk about it, and then you still are not satisfied with the answer, women tend to look for the truth by snooping and they were able to get out of really bad situations. If your girl tries to read into texts that are nothing more than friendly exchanges from women who aren’t a threat whatsoever, i think she will not waste her energy being jealous over them. Generally, it’s the worry of being cheated on that pushes her to snoop. But beyond that, I do agree, that, snooping shows a lack of trust, personal insecurity and a complete disregard for the person’s right to privacy. Talk to her intently about it.

I’d suggest you guys should freely talk about her fears. What she needs from you is a clear commitment to her and the relationship, but she will also need to trust that commitment is there when you are away or when you talk to other women. If she feels secure in your commitment to her, she won’t feel threatened by you ‘flirting’ with other women. But to feel secure in that commitment, she needs to resolve her trust and abandonment issues.

Having a relationship with an insecure woman doesn’t mean you have to walk on eggshells, live in her imprisoned world, or end the relationship. The important lesson is recognizing that insecurity is very common and if detected early and dealt with properly, you can have a stress-free relationship with the woman of your dreams. Get it on!

xoxo

Laura