Dear mayooon:

You wrote: “But something in me is still the judgmental me that thinks I should be more strict for myself. As if something in my subconscious??” I think it is your “inner critic”. There are probably articles on the Home page here on the Inner Critic. Otherwise you can google it, read, and if you’d like, come back to this thread and let me know if the “inner critic” concept is meaningful to you and if it is relevant to your thread.

anita