Anita, I know you are right, but unfortunately those lines of separation were already crossed last spring, and even now, though I am trying hard not to say anything further about my feelings. I did share my feelings with him a week ago, and he got angry at me. That’s why he won’t talk to me about it at all and says he’s fine. He asked me not to mention it to him anymore. So I know you are right and I SHOULD HAVE kept my feelings separate. I think he was assertive at first, telling them how hurt he was and asked them to stop repeatedly, but they didn’t stop, and the girl systematically worked at convincing him that since they cannot help how they feel about each other, he has no right to try and stop them. Then he became passive, and I think he bottled up the feelings. He is still “friends” with the guy, but they never get together outside of school anymore at all, no hanging out whatsoever, while previous to all of this, he and another best friend, the 3 of them, like brothers, spent most weekends sleeping over each others houses and such. Now he’s kind of cut off from both of them, because their parents are very good friends and now we are the “outsiders”.

I’m not sure whether he is telling the truth and that he really has no problem with it all now, or whether he is just being a people pleaser so as not to seem weak anymore. He did actually use those words, that he is being friends with him (and cordially friendly to her) because he doesn’t want to show weakness. I don’t know whether that’s a healthy attitude. And I do not want him to take from this experience that it is ok to betray your best friend and carry on with their ex girlfriend. They are 15 years old. We are talking about teen crushes, not falling in love where you have to accept that people are meant to be together. Teen love comes and goes and I don’t think it’s kind to carry on like that with a what used to be best friends ex. I don’t want him to think that was ok, despite the girl making him believe that it is ok. I would like to think he would stand by his friend and not act on a crush simply because a friend is more important at this stage in life.