Hi Sammi-

As the father of a 16 year old girl I am In touch with your age group. I can tell you that your writing skills are very strong. You are clear thinking and I can see you working your way through this situation and coming out unscathed.

You are an intelligent, evolved, insightful person who unfortunately has to try to survive a bad situation with an abusive person. But you are really okay. In all of this, you are evolving and he is not. Think about how sad and pathetic he is. What lies under his abuse is fear, past abuse, and who knows what else. That will never change. If you were to go visit him x number of years from now when he is on his deathbed (not that you would or should) you would find the same unevolved bitter man. He will take these problems with him to the grave. You will not.

So look at it this way- while you may be stuck in this bad situation with him for a few more years, you are also free and evolving in a way he is incapable of. You are doing the right things, are very healthy mentally, and have surrounded yourself with as much support as is available to you right now. And most importantly, you have some ‘distance’ on the problem, that is, you have it in perspective, which is exceptional for your or any age.

Try not to let it take all the joy out of your childhood- something that should be your right, and something no one has a right to mess with. Down the line it will be important for you to keep a vigilant eye and make sure you don’t ‘repeat’ the phenomenon, meaning that it doesn’t find its way into relationships you have since we humans often defer to things that are familiar to us, or repeat the patterns of our parents (despite our better judgement).

And by the way – you do have another skill – something that will serve you well. It is your writing and clear thinking. So think about incorporating writing/communications into your future. I realize none of this is easy but I have no doubt that you will come out of this situation okay, and that the inner strength I see in you will win out.