Dear U,

I kinda get it. I was in a similar situation except I was the younger person and he was 6 years older. I was just out of college, he had been working full time for several years. So you can understand we had differences in our life understanding and also in our personalities. He found my acceptance of his introverted nature comforting, I was the nurturing type too. His mature outlook kept me grounded. We were considered the “catalogue couple” in terms of compatibility.

There was only one glitch despite the sparks in the first few months – it did die out, the sparks I mean. That is expected and I was aware of that….what I couldn’t come round to is my desire to think of other guys romantically and even going out of my way to be unfaithful. Over time, all that I liked about him irritated me – be too grew irritated with me as I continued to be miserable and kinda unbearable.

The question then is – what the heck is the relationship when the love and sparks die?

I have an answer now after years of being really dumb about love –

You stay because you choose to, it’s no longer butterflies…no dreamy lala land and you see the person for what they are – great but irritiating too at some points. You know there are options out there but there is something about this one that makes you want to be with them.

That’s what I was missing – I loved him but I didn’t love him enough to fight for us.

It’s been a year since we broke up and now over time, he confesses that perhaps it was for the best. We appeared compatible but we wanted different things from life.

How did he cope though?

Well be was in pain just like you. And getting busy in his family business back at home helped immensely. The pain does become bearable over time.

What about me?

Well, I had already been thinking of ending it months before it ended. So in a way I was more prepared than he was but yeah, I was not entirely myself – somehow prone to sadness, anxiety and I missed him too.

As cliche as it may sound, I was the bad guy here no doubt but perhaps it was for the best. Falling in love is easy, but staying in love zint. Your ex has a lot to learn before she can make such big commitments.

The problem wasn’t with you but rather the situation. I rather adore this line from 500 days of summer (movie) :

“Sometimes when people grow, they grow apart” this is especially true for early twenties

Watch that movie if it offers you some solace.

I apologize for this rather monologue about me. I dunno somehow your state reminded me of my ex. I will always have a special place for him in my heart, a respect for him I can’t explain…it’s just that he wasn’t the one for me.

Regards,
Nina