Hi wabc,

Anita is right ~ you will (one distant day) have your wish. You will spend more time in The Universe than you will as a woman on this planet in this incarnation.

I will say this. As a child of a parent who toyed with suicide (let’s just leave it at that) is: If anything happened to you by your own hands your children will grow up thinking “Was I not enough?” Or worse, “What was wrong with me so my mother chose death instead”?

And another thing: As the children get older, are in school, and later are out of the house more than they are in it, you will have time to read, create, etc. I have three. What I would do is create and do crafts and read with them. I even had an art show when they were babies and tots. (Nap times and 8 PM bedtimes was when I’d create ~ even if it was for 15 min. a day!)

This isn’t to make you feel bad. It’s to let you know the power of 15 minutes. They add up. They do! Some of my best writings were when I was “in the bathroom” LOL.

And see a doctor. In the midst of my Dark Night of the Soul (which was real) was the discovery that my Adrenals were shot and I had zero Vitamin D in my system (even though I was a walker!). I felt pissed that such simple fixes (no stress and Vitamin D pills) could negate or belittle my Dark Night. But my spiritual muck I was in was no less real. But by taking care of myself that is also real.

You deserve to be happy and healthy for the several decades you are here.

Blessings,

Inky