Thank you Anita

I do understand your frustration, even I get frustrated at myself that I allow myself to live in this constant turmoil so my children don’t lose another grandmother. My husbands mum has serious mental health issues, she lashed out at all the family after she left my father in law for another man. She regretted it and turned into a very angry, bitter woman and cut the whole family out, her 2 sons and all her beautiful grandchildren. She was abusive towards me many a time and angry we were happy and she did the same to other family. That is why I cling onto my children having a grandmother and i guess because my childhood was mainly only happy because of my wonderful grandmother I want my children to have a grandmother. I know my mother has done me wrong, and in turn that has effected my children, and I know that she has let them down a lot the last 4 years by rarely visiting and then when my son was bullied she didn’t offer him any support. I know she has done wrong and like you say I see through my sister and mothers nice behaviour now, it’s all a little too late for me.

I have learnt to stand my ground. I refused to see her at Chrsitmas, I refused to let my children have a sleepover at my sisters and I have declined her invitation to her 30th birthday. I am making changes but I still just feel very torn about the grandmother situation as my children would be heartbroken, they love her and have told me they miss her. They are already such confused souls wondering why they have no cousins in their lives and no grandmother on their dads side. I feel heartbroken for them. They have stability with me and their father, we are such a happy close family.

I maybe should not have vented all about my family, I just let it all out. My main pain right now is my chornic illness with my thyroid and the guilt that causes me as a mother. I should have mainly focused on that in the original post. That was really why I posted but my heart just flooded all my pain out infront of me.

THank you.

Julie