Dear Debbie:

No wonder he had his roommate come over- isn’t it the last time he saw you that you were very angry with him, your arms crossed, because he failed you? No wonder he didn’t want a repeat of the same. It is not only his shame but your anger- you were there, you had part in that interaction.

The new foundation, if it has a chance to be established, will require lots of work, on your part and on his part. It is your mental habit, or habits, that co-led to the old foundation. Those habits are not easy to abandon, no matter how enthusiastic you may be for the opportunity.

And this is something for you to be aware of- it may seem easy from your view now but if your chance materialize, there will be difficult times, frustrations for a long time. Are you willing and able… is the question.

And is he willing… and when and how can you get the answer regarding his willingness, these are valid questions.

Because he is a decent man, from your accounts, I would give this relationship a chance, if I was you. IF you believe that you are able and willing to go through what the New phase of this relationship requires. I don’t think there is the right time to do this. I would compose a message to him, make sure it contains everything you intend, all that you learned, make it true and realistic- run it through me first (it will probably need to be edited and shortened)- and then, when you feel very satisfied with your message, when your message is all you (you mean every part of it), then send it to him, anytime. There is no way for you to figure out the correct time, it will be guessing on your part. Send it after you run it through me, receiving my input. Start writing it.

anita