All I can say is I know how you feel. I am going through almost the exact same thing. My decision to move on was a year and a half ago, and things get easier over time. In my case a lot of the issues were similar and I know we very much loved one another but whenever things went in a direction to get more committed she would freak out and/or sabotage the relationship. It was after 3 and a half years I left after many attempts to get us moving forward again. Now I’m 41 and out here in the totally different dating world and it’s intimidating but my advice is get on meetup or similar sites and keep trying, though with some moderation between you time and date time.