Hi Julia !
This is a community and I too as the others above, we all have some things that we’re working at. I’m no expert here but maybe my insight might be of use.

It may be useful to watch some videos by Lisa a. Romano on Youtube about codependency and growing up with narcissistic parents (they are not monsters- but individuals who also experience loneliness as a result of living with narcissistic parents)

Also check to see if your insurance carrier will cover the cost to see a therapist and find a great fit for yourself. Try to join a womens’ support group in person or on Facebook or watch some Youtube videos (haha more Youtube !)- try untameyourself.com she has a youtube channel- Elizabeth dialto

All the best to you !