Dear kaynah:

It is a delight to get your update exactly a month after your last post. I know you have made much progress in your healing since last month because you wrote: “It still hurt, but it feels like a different kind of hurt now”-

This is what I experience in my healing, a different kind of hurt. So I recognize this as healing.

I think the hurt before came out of DELUSION, distorted thinking:
1. You can make him love you, if only… if you wait, try to understand him, etc.
2. You are unlovable unless he loves you; he is your only hope.
3. You are stuck until he tells you: I love you (& follow through with behavior) or he tells you I don’t love you.

The present hurt, I think, is about REALITY, knowing that you wasted your time and energy in an unloving man, that your hope is not with him, that there is no point in waiting for him (#3). There is pain in knowing reality.

The difference between the first hurt and the second, is that the first keeps you unwell, dysfunctional and the second carries the hope and promise of healing and leading a functional, successful life.

Hope you post again. And you are welcome.

anita