Hi Anita,

Yes, that’s also possible. He does not speak very highly of many people in his family – he is actively trying to break up his sister’s engagement to a man he doesn’t think is good enough, and he’s called his brother some unkind names as well. He is generally very judgmental.

Yes, I’ve always felt there’s something wrong with me. This is not the first relationship that has left me feeling devastated. I often felt unwanted as a child, like I was just in the way or being annoying. I did not have many friends through high school, as my childhood friends started drifting away from me. Even now friendships are often tumultuous and I am cautious not to get too close to people so I don’t scare them off.

When I’m dating a man I’m attracted to it numbs the bad feelings for a bit – I feel momentarily wanted and approved of. Then when he inevitably leaves all those feelings get compounded and it’s so much worse. It’s like a confirmation of everything bad I feel about myself. I don’t believe that anyone would ever want me as a partner, so when this most recent ex told me explicitly he never considered marriage then it was just proof – hard evidence that my beliefs are right.

Thank you for the insight and prompting questions. I’ve talked through some of these issues before but it helps to be reminded of where they stem from.