Dear Anita,

It’s been about a month since I wrote, and I’m starting psychotherapy on Friday. I’ve also been participating in a Mindful Mood Balance course. I will say being more present and less out of my mind has really helped many days. However, about a month ago I turned on an old computer that I rarely use anymore, and when I logged in to Gmail, my ex’s email account was still logged in. I was honestly devastated, because I immediately saw several emails from his new girlfriend. I saw that they were running a marathon together, and traveling to Europe with her family, attending church and all kinds of things that we didn’t do together. This sent me spiraling, and I honestly felt like I would rather die than go through that pain. It’s been so hard to deal with the grief and jealousy I feel and constantly compare myself to this other woman and to the relationship they have. I’m so threatened and hurt by it, again and again. I have weeks where I feel really great, where I feel at peace with the situation and know deeply that it is for the best. But other days I get so depressive and down, and I can’t break free of the thoughts of them together and wonder if he treats her better, has stopped drinking as much, and is generally happier in his new relationship. I know these are insecurities talking, but some days it’s just unbearable and today is one of those days.