Dear sunshinegirl80:

You wish you could just “be yourself” but it is “easier said than done” because of the “emotions thing”, you wrote.

It is tough to feel uncomfortable, anxious or otherwise distressed, as you expect to feel in the group setting where he will be present. Is it that your friends in that setting know about the night you spent with him and you are embarrassed about it (I am not clear about what is distressing you, specifically)?

When you find yourself feeling distressed, for whatever reason, try to peel off the distress-on-top-of-distress that follows thoughts like: “I shouldn’t feel this way? What if they see how uncomfortable I feel? What are they thinking of me?  Instead, accept best you can that you feel the way you do, keep yourself as calm as possible, and function sensibly best you can regardless of the discomfort.

Reads to me that your expectations are realistically low, since you told him not long ago that you would love (a strong verb) to talk again, and he didn’t reach out since. And you clearly are not interested in physical intimacy without a relationship.

Post again, anytime, with your thoughts and feelings.

anita