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Dear A.J:
Your English is good enough and so is your heart.
I am glad you didn’t and do not hit or shout at your wife or your kid. You do not hurt your two year old in these ways (hitting and/ or shouting), but you want to go a step further with him, not only to avoid harming him, but to love him and be loved by him, have a close relationship with him, now and in the future.
To do so, you have to trust yourself to not harm him, to trust yourself to do good by him, in a closer relationship. Is it that you are afraid that your anger regarding the severe abuse you suffered will cause you to harm your two year old, if not by hitting or shouting at him, then in some other way?
anita