@ Mother of 3 ….. Yes I have played horsey with him. I tickle and tackle him regularly. I hug him and kiss him whenever I get chance. I do these things because my father never did them. My wife says to talk to him …that he understands stuff but I can’t I don’t know what to say and I don’t believe that he understands yet. Whenever we say “No, don’t do it” he does it anyways. His grandparent (Wife’s father) takes him out and buys new toys for him regularly. They have a special bond and I am never jealous but happy because even if I can’t have such bond I know he is having it from someone else. Sometimes it hurts when he goes from my lap to his grand parent. I am not able to give him more time because sometimes I am tired, he is about to be feeded, it’s his nap time, he is watching cartoon on his tab, he is with my mom, he is with my wife, he is with his toys or he is running around happily. For me it’s always like….leave him alone don’t force yourself on him… give him space… don’t disturb him. Even when in group I prefer somebody else to grab him. I don’t want to restrain him from anything. I don’t want to be the bad guy. I often get yelled at by my wife due to that. Last week I was having cold juice and he came to me for a sip and I let him. Now he has flu and chest infection and I am the one to blame…..my wife reminds me everyday. I know I will just go out of the room next time … leaving him crying behind me.

I usually get my time with him when he is sleeping between me and my wife in the night. Then he is playing with me we are tickling and gently biting each other or he is sitting on my belly…… while his mother is shouting at him and me to go to sleep. This happens almost every night. He always sleeps closer to me… forcing me to go to the edge of the bed… while my wife has more to herself. She never complains.

Thankyou but I am not much of a book reader. I will find e-books or read articles as usual. I am just so confused when engaging with him. On the other hand I am normal when he comes to me. I don’t even buy toys for him because he can get hurt while playing or swallow something. I know I am hopeless.