To Miss Cee:

When reading this, I don’t see a fear of commitment but rather a fear of being hurt. A fear of commitment seems to be prevalent in men who enjoy dating multiple women, unsure of whether to continue “playing” or simply settle down with one, in which focusing their energy toward an end result can seem exhausting and isolating.

I say this because I have also been in his position. Years of putting trust, love, and dependency in another can wear you down – and I believe his attraction to you is real (he wouldn’t have revealed anything intimate about himself if this were not the case), but his past won’t allow him to move forward.

You almost have to approach this situation similar to when you adopt an animal that has previously been abused – with understanding and compassion. They may bite and yelp when you pick them up, but you have to understand it’s not their fault. And it’s usually all the work required that pushes people away, hence why the animal is never adopted. It’s an interesting way of looking at relationships, but I think it’s the only way to deal with someone has been scarred.

You have two options:

1) Pursue him

2) Leave him alone

With number 1, you have to be the one leading the relationship until he trusts you fully. That might mean chasing him, checking up on him, and even planning your activities and making sure he follows through. This might even mean dealing with this situation again in the next few months. But if you want it, you’ll do it.

With number 2, you have to be okay with letting him go and waiting until he comes back around.

I’m sorry you’re going through this because it is never clear-cut, and our answers can only go so far. But just don’t take it personally, and continue living your life joyfully, with an open door to all possibilities and people, until the next situation comes along. You’ll be wiser because of this.