Hello dreaming715,
Although I cannot relate to your long-term engagement and relationship, I can understand your frustration and dependency to find your definition of love. The beauty of the past is knowing you once had something special and I’m sure as heartbreaking and devasting the breakup was, you probably and will always love your ex-fiance because he was once a part of your happiness and life. I believe you have to accept that nothing last “forever” and instead of trying to relive the love you had with this new boyfriend you should reevaluate and figure out what exactly “YOU” want for yourself instead of trying to work and change someone to fit somebody you were once happy with if that makes sense.
Trust me because I use to be like that where I would compare my new relationship to be great like the last one or hoping they provide that love and security that someone once did for me and to be honest it’s really not fair for that new person. The more you pressure them into being someone that they’re not for your sake, the more you will push them away. If you pressure your current boyfriend to rush into a marriage he will resent you because he’s trying to do what he thinks is best for him and it’ll eventually lead him to breaking things off and you’ll have a repeat of your past. So instead of asking why are they not ready or why can’t he be like this and that, just enjoy the moments you’ll are sharing together and give him time to open up with you. There’s no rush into anything and if you cannot stand the way he is right now then maybe you need to figure out what will be best for both of you’ll in the long run.
It’s not easy because I know deep down you’re longing for that special someone to be with forever but I want to let you know that the only person that will always love you forever is yourself. Once you figure out your own happiness first and do things that you love it makes life easier not worrying over someone else. You want to find someone who you know inside and out and can trust to be with you and it starts with being happy with yourself. Someone will value you and love you for you but people will always change and so will you and you have to accept that the past is history and the future is a mystery so focus on the present because it’s a gift to enjoy that time you have now to be happy for yourself.
If you want this current relationship to work out then I would suggest being honest, open-minded, and try to accept his wishes of taking things slow. If you let him be himself then he will appreciate you in the long run and he will start to show more for the relationship knowing that there’s no pressure and that you can be an understanding and compassionate girlfriend. Start doing things for yourself and give space so he can to and you’ll will eventually work things out. You still have a long time away to enjoy your life and you don’t have to be married to be happy.
I know that’s a lot to read but it’s coming from the heart and I promise you that you will get through this obstacle and will be much happier knowing there’s so much to live for and be happy for <3
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