Dear Lukas:

First thing to do is to stop “battling against each other”- stop the war.

Second thing to do is for you to take care of yourself, to make your life okay for you. You don’t like her friends and you don’t like crowds. Don’t spend time with her friends and spend your time (outside of work and parenting responsibilities) the way you would like to.

Before you got married, you “thought things will change and (you) will change”- well you didn’t change, you didn’t get to like her friends or crowds. Don’t try to change anymore, and instead respect your likes and dislikes and make your life as comfortable as possible.

What you like and dislike is not less important or less valid than what your wife likes and dislikes. You need to respect each others’ preferences as equally valid and find a way to live where you are both equally accommodated, where you are both as comfortable as possible.

With better communication with her, with equal respect and assertiveness, you can live a better life and the relationship with her can become more loving.

I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

anita