Dear Mepina:

Earlier on this very page, you wrote: ““I am afraid to make other people sad or angry,” and you shared that when your mother was displeased with you, she “was distant and sad… not talking to me for much time – that was quite a punishment.”

These thoughts, stated in your last post: “Did I have mistaken again? sure, it was my problem, I made everything wrong, I hurt him, I hurt also myself, I made him angry, he is now out there sad, or angry blaming me and he is right, I messed it up”- these are the same thoughts you had as a child, based on the wrong belief that you were the cause of your mother’s withdrawal/ punishment. These thoughts are entwined with the fear, shame, guilt and sadness you mentioned.

Twenty days of silence from your ex boyfriend felt badly at first, but then it felt better, and now you are on “on healing and learning process”- his withdrawal is a good thing. I wish he continues it and if he doesn’t, I hope you restore this silence.

It only feels at times that the blaming, complaining, dishonestly manipulative noise is safe for you. It only FEELS this way, at times. But look at all the misery it has caused you. Surely, this is a better way for you.

anita