Hi Cruzzie,

I hope that this day, this moment brings you much peace, love, and happiness as you blaze your own trail that creates many wonderful memories. The oven event happened a number of years ago, (sounds like a contest) happened a number of years ago while I lived in an older duplex apartment. The oven was old school so I don’t know if the new ones of today lock during the cleaning cycle. I really don’t care to know either. This was the same place that has another funny story that maybe I’ll share for another time.

I used to have meltdowns, not only in the kitchen but at the traffic light, for example, or the linear the grocery store. As time went on I had not realized that I was doing it. I took it as being normal, just me being me. As time went on, I payed attention to it and realized that this meltdown was in fact, me being me. I often times thought to myself, “Is this really me being a jerk?” It was an eye opener when I realized the truth, that it was me being me. I really did not like that realization. It was upsetting to say the least, for me to think that all this time it was ok to have these meltdowns, it was normal, that this is how life is. Then I got really confused that this meltdown came from within me. I got into an argument with myself thinking,I don’t want to be this person. For me to say that, is owning it. If I was to own it, I could either accept it and pull out a bag of excuses to justify it, or, I could change me. For me to change me to be a better person, was something that I chose to do. When I decided to act on that decision, I experienced an unexpected feeling. I had this feeling of relief on a scale that I cannot describe. It was, for lack of a better word, liberating. This liberation came as a result of me owning it. It being my decision to change. It was powerful. I felt “clear,” new, if that makes sense. A friend of mine picked up on this change and called me on it. He asked what it was that made me seem different. I told him of my all too frequent episodes of having meltdowns. At some point in the conversation he used the word, frustrated a lot. He said my meltdowns were as a result of being frustrated. The frustrations, he said, were from a number of goals I had, no matter if they were small or large, not being met with regards to the goals I had being very close together. That probably doesn’t make sense…it was easier for me to understand when he said that frustration is goal directed behavior that is blocked. I had a number of goals that I had not seen through fruition and started another goal. When this happens, there is a series of so called failures that evolve into frustration, and when these failures are met with another and another, meltdowns occur. Having ADHD, this made sense to me. What I did to eliminate my meltdowns and greatly reduce my frustrations, was for me to prioritized my goals. I did this by placing a certain level of importance on my priorities. If I saw that I was getting jammed in accomplishing one goal, I stepped back and looked at my approach to whatever it was I was trying to accomplish. If I didn’t reach the timeframe that I set my goal for, I found a lot of power in thinking, “so what?”. Sure there are goals that I don’t think so-what about because of the level of importance I placed on them. All the things that I did to change for the better, was my Phoenix, and continues to be. I felt silly thinking that making this change was so simple but I didn’t realize it at the time. There is more to that approach but I hope that you get then idea. My frustrations at the traffic light continue but nowhere near the level it used to be.

Cruzzie there arriver 7 billion residents on this planet. Not a single one is like you- an amazingly beautiful person. Carry your Phoenix wherever you go and don’t be afraid to let it loose. Enjoy the stars as you map out your journey. Embrace the loving, beautiful person that you are as you continue to change and be the person that you wish to be. Don’t change your goals Cruzzie. Capture them.

Pearce