Anita,

Thinking of breaking up does cause me a great amount of distress I can’t figure out if it’ll be more distress than staying, it would be a different type of distress. I feel like that would bring me short term relief let’s say for a week, and then I can see myself panicking. Thinking omg did I really just end my relationship because I couldn’t figure myself out, control myself, live in the present, and just forgive….. I find myself thinking how I would leave and just hate myself for it. Not to mention everything else a break up brings with it which is already enough. I would be losing my bestfriend… We have so many exciting things planned for this fall. I would have to find myself again START over START doing things single people do and I’m just not interested… i just want RELIEF. I want to be happy and feel safe and secure and remember that happiness comes from me. I wish I could just realize the extent of what he did which is just so like not HUGE or HORRIBLE and just forgive and let go and enjoy the relationship I have now… I really don’t know what steps to take.