Hi Anita,

Thanks so much for your reply! 🙂

Actually he never said to me exactly how he probably felt stressed by me so this is my own guess after some pondering. When we broke up, he took on all the responsibility and he told me I was the best girlfriend he cld ask for. He only said that he is not sure where the pressure in our relationship is coming from but he does not have the bandwidth to figure it out.

He probably felt the pressure as he thought he was not giving as much to the relationship as I was. I probably smothered him which made him feel pressurized. I would constantly make him cards and bought little gifts when he was having exams, going through a hard time at work or just to let him know that I love him and I will be there for him no matter what. I felt I also made him the source of alot of my happiness – so much so that I wanted to give up activities that I enjoyed so that I can spend more time with him. An example would be I love travelling but I told him that now that I have him, I do not want to travel as much as I would miss him.

I was also ready to start saving up to buy a house together (which we talked about). So when he overspent and got into the credit card debts, he felt guilty that he was not as committed as I was to the relationship.

In summary, I think the pressure came from me being too dependent on him for happiness and then he feeling like he cannot give back to the relationship as I did.

Having gone through therapy, I feel that I have gained a lot of insights into myself and I have worked (and still working) on this. A part of me feel like sharing all these insights with my ex bf to let him know how I have grown. And I just feel if we have a second chance, it is quite likely to work better (provided he also sorted out his issues).

But I do not know if he has sorted out his issues or if he is even ready to be in touch. That is why I fear I will end up pressurizing him again.