Dear noepiphany37:

There is the main issue and a side issue, as I see it. First the side issue-

You wrote regarding your current live-in girlfriend: “I think it’s a disservice to her if I stay with her… I own a flat, and she was living in a house share which disbanded. She said she didn’t want to live in house shares anymore and said she would either live with me or return home to her family”-

Consider that she believes it is a good deal for her because she gets to live in London, where I suppose she prefers to live, maybe not paying any rent to you or very little, compared to ongoing rents, and she gets to live with an easy-going boyfriend who, feeling guilty, is eager, I am supposing, to accommodate her. That is preferable to living with hard to get along with flat mates. (Living with her might be a disservice to you).

The main issue. You wrote, not necessarily in this order: “I blamed myself for not feelin it… I feel there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to be in a relationships enough…Is there something wrong with me for never having fallen in love?”-

You feel what you feel and there is nothing wrong with your feelings. There is no “should” to feelings. Your feelings are not outside the human experience, not abnormal or unnatural or wrong.

I am guessing that as a child, you reached out to your parents for comfort, for love (as children naturally do) and it didn’t work out for you, you didn’t get what you needed, not to the extent a child needs. It was difficult work to reach out to them again and again, with no satisfying results, so you adjusted, needing less, wanting less (feeling less). That was easier and so, you were able to be as easy going as you are. If this is true, then you naturally and automatically reacted to the home where you grew up. Nothing weird about your automatic, human reaction.

Let me know, if you will, your thoughts/ feelings regarding my input and otherwise.

anita