Thank you so much for your reply Sunset.  Made me cry reading it because it’s strange how a complete stranger seems to understand me better than my family or friends.  Going back home is my only option because my visa will expire soon- we were to get married so I could stay on and we could build a life together here.  I feel I’ve wasted so much time, effort, sacrificed my livelihood,..all for nothing…I’m having to start from scratch…it’s so overwhelming and I feel I have no support. You are right- my self-esteem has taken a beating, and I found this website, and needed to get out of my head, get some perspective from people who have been where I am now. The family I come from is very stoic, we don’t do emotions, it frowned upon as weakness. So I struggle to express myself, let alone ask for help.