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Anita,
I am seriously thinking reaching out to him and just be honest about my feelings and my struggles.
Of course, I would never include anything like my suicidal thoughts. I just want to let him know that the break up was very hard on me, and there were a lot of times after the break up that I did not showed my real feelings to him or to anyone, really. I am still very much struggling in the dark, and I just want to let him know that.
It is embarrassing but knowing my ex boyfriend all this time – I know he won’t judge me. He is the only person that would understand my feelings best, more than my family and my close friends ever did. I would just be honest and thank him for everything, something that I haven’t yet done after the break up.
I am hoping if he really is the person that I love, he will also express his struggles. and his honest feelings about me and the break up. I am currently choosing the timing and a start out topic… I do not know if this is a good idea or the worst idea ever but it is comforting thinking about how I can be honest with my ex boyfriend.
Thanks for the amazing feedback. and your support for me.
-Mina