Anita,

You wrote : “Your sacrifice was about pretending you are okay so to prevent him from feeling any concern about you. Am I correct so far?”

100 percent correct. This what what I truly meant as a sacrifice.

You asked : “You mentioned before thanking him for having been your boyfriend, and you mentioned it again. I don’t understand: do you believe he did you a favor being your boyfriend? That he did not benefit from it himself? What is behind your desire to thank him?”

Reading this from you made me realise how similar you and my ex is. Might sounds weird but I can feel that he would say the same thing as you did about my whole thank you speech.

You asked : “do you believe he did you a favor being your boyfriend? That he did not benefit from it himself?”

Not exactly that. I mentioned before how he thanked me for supporting me through his whims, do you still remember? I did not reply to that text message.

I have a lot of things that I did not get to say during the break up. I remember writing to you that I did not say anything to him except for the fact that I was very much disappointed in him because in a sense he did not “fight” for the relationship. That was the only word I said. I wished him luck and after that I did not say anything regarding the break up, ever to him.

I am regretting for not saying what I truly feels. More than that, I am very tired of pretending that I am fine. It was hard processing the break up but lately I know what I want to say to him now. Even though I might be very late.

You asked : “What is behind your desire to thank him?”

The desire to be understood by the most important person in my life. To be heard by him. I have a few questions that I really want to ask my ex boyfriend. I know that we have no chance of getting back together, it is never my intention to reach out to him to get back together again. I just want to be honest … with a hope that he would also be honest. I need him to CONFIRM what I am holding on to right now is true.

What I am holding on right now is : the idea of why we broke up and the way we feel about each other right now. we broke up because we love each other so much and it was just getting too hard for him to continue our relationship not because he does not love me anymore. the way that we feel for each other is still love, even though it might be a different kind of love, we will always care for each other as friends or past lovers or whatever …. he was someone that matter in my life and I was the same to him. That the relationship was something very important to both of us.

I needed to confirm that from him. I sound really desperate and crazy, I am aware. It is killing me.

-Mina