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Hi Jasmine,
I hope that when you read this you are well on the way with a solid plan to make your life so much better. I found out many, many years ago what it means when someone says you don’t really know someone until you live with them. You post is riddled with describing the amount of anger you have. You also mentioned that, “he hasn’t been so kind to me over the 2 years…”. What is paramount is that you address the source of your anger first. Being that angry for as often as you say you do is operating from a very weak position. Being that angry over “stupid stuff ” does not allow you to interact with your b/f in a more positive way. When you said, ” I know I should go see someone and tell them and maybe get help but I can’t do that, I am far too stubborn…” can you agree that the ways you have been handling your anger don’t work, and that anger doesn’t work? I do not mean to make my response seem to be me picking on you my friend, and not your b/f. I don’t know what his issues are. My words come only from my heart. It’s just that when anger becomes the default response there is a tendency for that to spill over in to your other relationships, i.e. work, friends, etc. If it is true that you do in fact want to address your anger and discover how to have better ways to react yet you don’t want to see a professional for help, consider various books on the matter as a start. Anger in relationships on the level you describe are one of the many reasons for relationships to end yet we don’t see that possibility while are in that moment.
I hope you have not taken my words in a bad way. I am not good with words to begin with. I just want to reach out to you just as you asked and hope that you are well, doing fine, and that your life becomes consistently more happy. Let me know…
Pearce