Ella,

I do not think at all that you are a bad person. No way at all. I absolutely do think you can change if you want. Change is good. And I absolutely know you can change. Just don’t do it on somebody else’s time schedule or by how THEY think you should be. Take your time because it will take time. What I see in your post is a very strong woman. The low self esteem started back in the day when you were born. Family dynamics plays a HUGE role on this. I had self esteem problems myself for years and after a while my low self esteem started to wither away to the point where it is gone, got, gone. I realized that my exposure to elements in my upbringing were all lies, that my low self esteem was credited to believing all the lies my step-dad told me. So I decided to make a decision and create who I wanted to be and how I wanted to go about it. We all have a Phoenix inside us my friend. Resurrect it and define who you want to be and how you are going to do it. Identify, if you can, those things in your upbringing that created and nurtured your low self esteem and confront them head on. Because you have the absolute right to change your mind. My favorite line in Good Will Hunting is “it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault…” Bring out that amazingly good stuff within you and go for it.

“Your time has come, to shine, all your dreams are on their way. See how they shine.”

🙂

Pearce