Anita,

Seems like I have to stay for another 3 years here.

My mother wants me to be happy but I am just very unhappy here during long periods of holiday.

I realise that my depression was something that was caused by my loneliness here.

I have no friends that I consider best friend or someone that I can really count on in Korea. I do not need a lot, just one person. One person.

To be honest – I do love K University. The only thing that gives me validation as a person right now is the name of K University as one the best university in Korea and Asia. Who is Monica without K Uni?

I choosed this university by my own choice, this university keeps … me alive in Korea.

I have nothing left If I let go of KU – and it is true that I am not ready to let my university go.

My mother has opened up to me how her current financial situation is not very good, she thinks that her company is closing very soon.

We just currently have no resources or money to move me to Singapore. I feel so guilty, I can tell my parents are very stressed out. They have not been sleeping as well, thinking about my education.

I understand their situation and I made a deal with my parents. I realise that when I go to school, I hate the people not the school in general, and these strong periods of stress comes often (every 2-3 weeks) but NOT everyday.

I think that I can survive, If I go home every time I feel too stressed out like this week.

My mother has promised to come to Seoul on my birthday (November 1st) – and I am happy, at least I won’t be spending my birthday alone. Or even If I am not alone, I will be spending it with the people that I do not even consider “friends” which is a torture as well.

I am happy to just celebrate with my mother.

I realise that I am very home sick and lonely when school has a long period of holiday like Thanksgiving.

I feel so touched somehow when my mother finally understood me. I feel so happy that I won’t be spending my birthday alone crying, or spending Christmas holiday alone as well.

I think my parents fully understand now that there are times where they have to go visit me here or I go back to my home country when the stress gets unbearable for me.

I think about K University as my one and only reason to stay here. It used to be Gyunnie and K University but now all I have left is myself and K University. It is the last amount of pride that I still have … giving up is not an option.

-Monica