I’m slowly starting to see the light. I feel the need to learn, have fun or finding a hobby which I didn’t want to over the last few months. Getting rid of toxic people is painful but there is a better life after this. I am aware this men caused most of my anxiety but I still cannot hate him for this. You’d say it’s good but it’s not the point. I can’t hate him because I still blame my tendency for depression and anxiety for all this, and think that I could have responded differently to treating me badly, I could have left earlier, I couldn’t have thought about this and couldn’t have caused myself pain and anxiety. Because it’s inside me, right? Sure other people cause pain but it is also my fault that I let this happen because I’m too weak to leave or stop this. When I think of some people that wouldn’t let this happen to them I get the feeling I am a really damaged person. Of course now I know. But I had to learn it and go through all this, and some people are wiser and know and sense it at the beginning.