Dear Gagan:

In your yesterday’s post to me you shared: “about 10 years ago, when I first left home away from parents, I could not bear to be away from them (or home), and constantly cried over the phone begging my parents to bring me back home…Once I was home, I got scared again…”

Something about your home life was scary for you. The fear you experienced at home was the reason you were the “‘sensitive one’ at home…too soft emotionally… used to cry easily”.

It is my understanding that it is that early fear that carried through into your three romantic relationships, including the last one, the reasons you broke them off, and the reason you did not consider a life with this last live-in girlfriend.

Your regret is a retroactive regret, in my understanding. Since the danger of having a life with her (similar to going back home ten years ago) is over, the fear is put aside and loving feelings on your part are possible. These loving feelings emerged because the fear is gone.

If she went back to living with you, if you were to arrange getting married to each other, the fear is likely to return and the loving feelings will indeed go under again, under the emerging fear.

On her part, I don’t know if she is sincere. I don’t know why she sent you the messages that she missed you so much and then come to your place, to your bed, while she says she likes the new man and intends to marry him. This behavior could be manipulative, trying to punish you for having rejected her for so long. I don’t know.

anita