Dear Louise:

I suppose this is an example. And the last one, actually, the last in the relationship.

He had your photo as his screensaver because he liked it. You didn’t but he did. Because it is his computer, better if you let him have the photo he chose. Better if you did not comment on the photo: his preference, his computer, his choice.

Then you expressed a doubt in him, that was wrong of you because he gave you no reason to doubt him previously and there was no reason this time. You projected your past experience of mistrust into him. Better if you didn’t voice your mistrust in him and let him be.

He should not have shoved the screen so close to your face, shouldn’t have called you names or raised his voice. Instead, he could have told you that he felt hurt that you mistrusted him. He could have ended the relationship without acts of aggression.

If he felt triggered by you, triggered to act aggressively, it is wise of him to have ended the relationship. He is still responsible for his acts of aggression but it is to his credit for having ended a relationship where he felt triggered him to act that way.

anita