Dear Maria:

You wrote: “My mother had a tendency to call me her world, say I was her source of happiness, then turn around and yell at the top of her lungs at every small inconvenience”-

meaning she told you that you brought her happiness and she proceeded to reward you for it by taking away your own happiness…

“I’m not sure if I can even say I love my mother anymore, and…really the rest of my family”- no need to say it to anyone at all when it is not true. Be true to yourself.

I like your North Carolina plan, assuming your friends are indeed reliable. At least for the duration of time it would take you to move on, to get better on your own.

You asked: “how do I prepare for the emotional pain?”- well, emotional pain is what you already experienced, for a long time. There will be more of it, different kinds perhaps as your circumstances change. You are initiating these changes, good thing. There may be anxiety in the initiating itself, as this is a new behavior, correct?

Do post here anytime and I will reply to you whenever I am at the computer and seeing a new post by you, for as long as you want me to reply to you, of course.

I like your initiative. It will not be easy to carry it through but read to me that carrying it through will lead you to a much better place in life, mentally and physically.

anita