I do not doubt I was difficult. I was an angry person. My father and I constantly fought. My parents have been nothing but supportive of my life choices, but, and I realize this is cold, I care very little if they’re part of my life anymore. I live a very different life than them and my brother, and I have difficulty relating to them or enjoying myself around them anymore.
I have been aware for many years that my persona is not “healthy,” that I do not live life “normally.” I am a transient – I can only live in one place for a couple of years before needing to move on. I meet people, make friends, relationships, but once I leave, I generally leave those people behind and never think of them again. I am currently considering a cross-country move. It is time for me to leave again.
It is only in the last 2 years or so that I have actually begun to desire a romantic relationship with another person. In the past I have not cared. My ex was the first person since my cousin (who died a few years ago) that I was able to truly reveal myself to. Everyone else in my life sees a facade. I convinced myself that I loved my ex, but now that I am away from him, I question that as well. I’m not sure I know what love feels like. I think I desire it though.
Anyhow, these are all issues for a therapist, but I admit, it’s really freeing to say all these things out loud.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 