Wow, Inky, that is such an interesting – and ultimately truthful –perspective that I have not previously considered. You are claiming that my ex essentially dehumanized me, and in this case, that I wasn’t “allowed” to have emotional ramifications. So he was still seeking control even after he departed from me. Now that I am thinking of it, towards the end of relationship this past year when he was emotionally withdrawing with me, I felt his retreat and responded with pain. At my pain, he told me “nobody should ever feel this way about a relationship”. The insensitive minimizing effect was deplorable. It also speaks volumes that perhaps he was seeing me as less human.

The controlling and manipulation perhaps needs to be underscored. One of our first moments of strife in our relationship is when he invited me to a wedding of his work colleague’s daughter. I love and collect vintage clothing, and for the wedding I wanted to wear one of my 1940s dress hats. He exploded in anger at me, and demanded I had to “look and act like I was from this era” or else I would “embarrass” him. I am certainly not somebody’s ornament, let alone a man’s, especially when my dress was in excellent, if not creative taste. Certainly not like his beautiful blonde fiance with tons of makeup and expensive, flashy, and modern dress…. but I digress! When I donned my 1940s hat, instead of taking me to the church, he dropped me back off at my car and I had to go home. All the way there, he was screaming at me at the top of his lungs and driving recklessly I was utterly petrified.

I can now see this in retrospect… during that moment, I was perhaps oblivious to it because this was the first time I was invited to a wedding, so having the privilege of attending a formal function was the only thing on my mind at the time. But this is a rather befitting concrete example concerning narcissism and controlling. My mother claims that he withdrew from me because he figured out that he could no longer have power over me.

Regarding my art, it was posted on my Flickr page but unfortunately I deleted my page after he gave me the restraining order threat. My main website is currently switching domains. However, you can search “Stephanie Lehr” on the Black & White Magazine gallery to find some of my work there – was published several times in that fine art magazine. I am currently showing in an international exhibition in NYC at Site:Brooklyn, as well.