Dear Sophie:

I think you handled those two occasions after the fact very well, apologizing appropriately. I don’t see these two occasions as being a deal breaker, acts of abuse. If repeated, again and again, over time, they will add up, sure. But twice and then corrected- these are imperfections on your part.

To correct, to avoid more such incidents, notice your distress before you express it to him. Stay with the distress, enduring it without reacting to it. Take a time out. When you are ready, you can and should express your distress to him… responsibly. You can say something like: I miss you. I wish the weekend was already here.

No blaming, no going on and on about your distress, just stating it. If he responds with resentment about being made to feel guilty (maybe because of the two incidents you detailed), you can share with him what it is that you learned from those: to share responsibly, not blaming, but communicating honestly. Without honest communication, there is no honest relationship, after all.

anita